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We hear about it and see it on TV talk shows like Oprah, Dr. Phil and Ellen. We just hope it never happens to us. Cheating in a relationship is devastating and usually leaves permanent emotional scars if it doesn’t end the relationship. Unfortunately most don’t know about the cheating until they are told about it by a friend or relative. Here are some definite signs that by themselves may not be indicative of cheating, but together should send off warning signals that something is amiss. Recognizing cheating early on can save oneself from much heartache and trouble.

A sudden increase in late night work and travel could indicate cheating. It may just be innocent and maybe they have a new boss, demanding new clients, or a new demanding project. Communication is key here, if you have any doubts call them. If you can’t reach them, they make lots of excuses or they won’t take your calls then a flag should go up. Midnight or midday rendezvous are not inductive to a good relationship and they cannot hide it forever. Check their clothes and travel items. Is there an unfamiliar perfume? Receipts for possibly romantic dinners, hotels, gifts, etc… (gifts are a big indicator of cheating).

A sudden decrease in sex drive could mean they are having it with someone else. A temporary reduction in sex drive could just be related to increased stress or job duties. It could also indicate medical problems that should be referred to a doctor. But, a sudden decrease in sex drive equipped with sudden late night work at the office and unexplained receipts for romantic dinners definitely means something is going on.

A marked defensiveness and new irritability expressed towards you. This could be your lover trying to hide their cheating by them throwing it back at you. “Why would you even ask or think that? You should trust me like I do you. Maybe you are the one having an affair. Where were you last night?” A new unforeseen defensiveness in itself is a strong indicator of cheating. What do they have to be so defensive about?

Also the opposite of this defensiveness could indicate cheating. Is your partner all of a sudden being extremely nice. Are they buying you romantic gifts, cards, etc… for no apparent reason. Is this way out of the norm for them? They may be going through guilt. They may feel guilty for what they have done and are trying to console their feelings in this way. As seen on the Dr. Phil show, this is a high indicator that cheating has occurred. 95% of partners that have cheated experience feelings of guilt and will be extra nice to their spouse after the cheating has occurred.

There are other indicators like phone calls with no message and hang-ups, password protected emails and computers that weren’t protected before, etc… These are all indicative of a potential cheater. Any one item could be circumstance, but the more indicators that occur, the more likely some cheating is going on.